the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize