Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
