Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
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