The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i love accidental penises.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Randomize
