eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
