At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
