Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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