he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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