Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
