we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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