If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize