she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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