the day after is always just damage control
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
