You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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