What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
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