I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
