so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
