you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
