it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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