omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Randomize
