soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
