i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
