she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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