cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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