I'm jealous of your bromance
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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