I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
