1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I can text with my tongue
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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