we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
