Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
