If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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