and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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