At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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