And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
