come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
