# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
