I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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