You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
