and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
He passed out mid-signature
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
