Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
