sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
