so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
