I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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