I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I am one with the molecules
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
