Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
