Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
