You made me cry and you don't even care
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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