There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
