i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
