Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize