We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
