you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
