apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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