i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
