you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize