what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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