Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
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