Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
the day after is always just damage control
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
