Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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