So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
