our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
