it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
