Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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