Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm sobbing to NWA
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
