i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
so much tequila, so little girl.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
