I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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