Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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