I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I can text with my tongue
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
