you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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