this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
