you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Four minutes until I can fart!
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
