Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
