my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
My penis needs a shock collar
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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