ya dads aren't the best wingmen
im drinking this country out of the recession.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
