is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
