considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i will never coherently bang her
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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