Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
