I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
