Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
