So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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