We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
