If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
