i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
