got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
