I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i will never coherently bang her
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
