A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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