If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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