I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
He did a backflip because drugs
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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