She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
