Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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