Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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