Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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