your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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