I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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