My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize