I could have mohawked her pubes.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
