beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
