come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize