Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
