youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
